I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
