So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
