you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
