Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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