In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
