Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
