in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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