Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
