she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
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It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
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I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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