just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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