You can't motorboat a personality
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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