its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
