I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
