what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
