fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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