If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
