Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize