Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
