I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
