so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He shit in the fireplace
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
