I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
