Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I would fuck him just for his dog
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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