this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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