and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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