did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Ladies don't puke and tell
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
