I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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