Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize