my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
