He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
