I want you more than these girls want KFC
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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