Only a mothe r could love this liver
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
