Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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