3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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