You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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