If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just puked most of my soul out..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
