like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
This is my gift to your gina
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
