Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
