I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
