She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
