420 ftw
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
