How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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