not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my vag is so smooth its legendary
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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