Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
