I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
