Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
