Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
