Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
