The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
