Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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