They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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