Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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