dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
