So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
