addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dignity is for republicans.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
