im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
