Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
