I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
