I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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